yea I feel like if I dont write some of the shit down that Ive been going through Im gonna fucking explode.  The past couple of days changed my whole perspective on things .  The real world hit me pretty fucking hard and right now things look pretty grim.  I couldnt give her what she wanted so she had to find it in other places; this is partially my fault. I learned the whole story (or at least what I think is the whole story) in bits and pieces, reliving the entire thing with each painful little detail thrown in or out of the picture.

Id call anyone who wouldnt be down about things now fucking insane.  my problem is I still love her and I feel she deserves another chance.  I could get really mad and do stupid shit and just make the situation worse.... or maybe try to take this maturely. I know i look like a little bitch but Ill gladly accept that, because I am.  I just cant believe my angel would do something so fucked up to me. It still hasnt fully processed, and I never want to. 

so I wanna apolgize up front to the ones that still care about me, Thanks for helpin out and I know im probrably doing the wrong thing. If I act different its just cuz I dont know how to deal with this, Im running out of allies.